The Theory of Trivandrum

If theory of everything is based upon Stephen Hawkings Lifestory .This theory of Trivandrum is based upon on me .Let me give you headsup , the title has nothing to do with what i m going to write here.Its just like one of those Salman khan Movies Title (Catchy but doesnt make any sense).

Well before April 2015 , Tamil Nadu was pretty much my world . Not even Tamil Nadu it was actually pretty lesser than that . So if your wondering what  happened after April 2015 , Yes there I  got a chance to explore or widen my world a bit .My job posting came at God's Own country .Okay first , I dont know who named Kerala- God's Own Country or its just the people from here had named it before anyone could . If Kerala is Gods Own country , then what Tamil Nadu is  Gods Maternal uncle's country .Well whatever it is , that one is  a debatable one . As I was going to start my career as an IT professional .With lot of dreams like any guy whose going to join IT Company i was no different .Finally, I arrived at Trivandrum , as I got out of the bus, first thing I noticed was a guy  on a bike who works in the company I got placed  going swiftly with a girl behind holding him so tight .(Just guess what my mind voice would be, I m not going to share that ). I was like telling to me (Dont worry Hariesh , Aache din aane wale )  I called for an Auto , the Autowala stopped he asked me 'Evda ponum ' (Where do you want to go )
then i pretended as if i knew malayalam ' Cheta avada ponum ' ( i should Go there ) he was like
'Tamil ah ' all the effort i made to pretended like knowing malayalam went in vain ! (Turns out , other than 'Cheta' nothing was malayalam in that ). And the autoguy charged me 20 bucks ( I was like are we in 2015 or we have travelled back )

#Theory1-Kerala - Autos are cheap and most of  the Autowalas know more languages than me .(Yeah even i wondered why they are driving auto then turnsout  he gets more money than my package ).
 I thought Trivandrum was entirely different from Tamil Nadu . But then i realised everything was same infact I felt it like Tamil Nadu there , people even understood Tamil and laughed when I spoke  Malayalam ( Well Malayalam in 30 days book didnt help me that much ) . I was damn hungry the first day and ordered for a Briyani in par restaurant. The waiter said,' We have a special kerala briyani ( With Smile ).I was like ' Ok Cheta'(Smiling back) . Then I was taking a look out around the place .Girls with Set Wet Hair ( Even Set wet company should ask Kerala girls whats the secret for that wet look ) and guys with thick mush and veshti . The waiter a placed a bowl with papad on the Top. I was like 'Cheta I ordered Briyani not meals'. He replied ' Ithe namoda Thalassccheery briyani (malayalam accent) ' .Then I opened the bowl it had raw rice with chicken curry in the Middle . I was like ' This is not even a spoof of Briyani '. Well people use the term ' Perfect Icing on the cake' like wise 'Papad was given with Briyani ' that was like last nail in the coffin . You can even find Dry grapes and Pineapple in those Briyani .It tastes sweet soar and everything other than spicy.

#Theory2- If your not from Kerala , Do not assume BRIYANI is the same everywhere.

I was asked to report at 8 am , it was raining in trivandrum .That day turned out to be a Hathal day (Bunth or Closedown) out here . Nobody wants to be late the first day right , so here it was raining ,raining cats and dogs . One more thing about Trivandrum weather , its pretty much like a girls mind you can never predict how it ll be for the next few minutes (This analogue is purely not due to my experience). So i m waiting under a shops shade .No Auto wala was stopping. They took Hathal so seriously than the BJP party who made the Hathal . I was almost in a situation which they show in 2000-2002 movies a lady will be pregnant it will be raining , traffic jam she would be moaning in pain , all the odds against her I felt like that  ( Well my point is I was so in a hurry). Then one Auto guy stops , i didnt have time for my fake malayalam accent i said "  Anna, seekiram ponum" (IN TAMIL i need to go urgently ) . He replied 'Tamil ah Thambi nee yerupa yerupa '(Oh your tamil huh get in get in ) . I almost got goosebumps when i got special treatment since I  was Tamil . Then, I reached at 08 10 am to my office thinking how other people of my batch would ve come with a pride face I enter the room .I found everyone present except me .I was like 'WTF' even superman could've got drenched in this weather . So however, it was an unforgettable first day .It was raining raining raining !!!! and thats  pretty much it .

#Theory3- If starts to rain , it rains all day . There are just 3 types of weather in monsoon here 'Slow Rain ' , 'Medium Rain' , ' Adipoli Rain' (adipoli means super in malayalam ) 
As I didnt want to waste all my salary on Auto and make him richer than me I thought of bringing my bike here .My dad was insisting on sending helmet I was like 'Chillax dad ' I have 100 bucks I have even managed chennai Cops , Trivandrum police are like joke to me . Then after 3 days when I was riding I see a cop stopping me . He asked me ' Helmet Evda ' I was quiet . Then he raised his voice and ask ' Adai Helmet Evda' I was like 'Sir I dont know Malayalam' .( Though i understood it , i thought i played it smart) . He got even more pissed off  and said ' Aiyooo Saarey Helmet is  English Dont give mohanlal acting to me ' .Then he slashed the fine for Helmet and Side mirror and what all he could put ( Well one thing i got  he sure didnt like my so called 'acting smart' part). Well unlike in Tamil Nadu they give government fine bill . While filling that bill he asked for my dad's name . I was like 'WTF, this is bill not some ration card enquiry' then turns out they have a section for that . When i said my dad's name . A scene came to my memory my dad telling 'Hey,Take the helmet' . Well yeaah its really irritating when dads turn out to be right . After that I was cautious and mad at trivandrum police . One late night , We planned to go late night drive in bike . At 2 am we are simply going for no reason then suddenly a cop car starts chasing I thought of imitating Ajithkumar and throttling but I m after all Harieshkumar so I stopped. I was like ' I m so busted me and other guys were north indians ' ( I was only one who decoded malayalam a bit ) . The cop asks me where I m going I said someplace nearby .I gave a fake malayalam accent a try and the cop advised me wear helmet at night son and enjoy your weekend . I was like 'WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!' After that ,  during the night outs i ve went many times .Unlike chennai cops, tvm cops dont question or ask for bribe they just let you have fun . Even once for my colleagues bday a policeman clicked a pic for us .It was like the bad turned out to so good.

#Theory4-Cops are reasonable and uniform throughout the month .They dont go for vasool during end of the month. Mostly fine would be 100. If you keep on telling Cheta Cheta you might get discount . If you just show your IT company ID , thats it your dead (Some think they would save em ) 





To be continued ....soon